Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Not Today

June is coming to an end and it's odd how the weather isn't that hot. It is usually either too dry or hazy at this time of the year. Not a surprise when global warming is at its prime time, causing change in weather pattern. We still get plenty of rain besides seeing flash floods or strong winds reported all over the news. 

Right, I haven't written many blogs this year. I'm still in my recuperating season honestly. It's going to take at least a year before I can resume an active lifestyle after a major surgery, which due to sport injuries. I just need time to heal. After half a year, I'm still feeling a little pain on both my knee and spine. As the doctor said, the pain can never be totally eliminated. I never let it gets the better of me, it helps me to prioritise instead. 

This journey to recovery truly makes me see things from a different perspective. I used to care so much about pleasing others, now I'm learning to focus more on myself and learning to say "No" politely. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being selfish. Sometimes when we worry too much about pleasing our family, friends and colleagues, we tend to forget ourselves in that process. Pleasing people can be exhausting. 

I finally had my revelation after waking up from the most excruciating surgery, it was a life-changing experience. I've worked hard to realise my family's dreams for three decades, and now is the time I should think more of myself. Lying on a hospital bed alone for a few days had me thinking hard what were the things I'd regret not doing if I were to wake up to a paralysed body. Prior to my surgery, I was told I could suffer such irreversible consequence if I took a hard fall. Thank God, it never happened.

I remember reading an article about five things people on their death beds regret not doing, one of it is the wish of having the courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life that others expected of them. I did exactly the opposite for my entire life. Well, not anymore. Not after waking up from my sixth surgery. It was a matter of life and death at the time. What if I couldn't walk anymore? So many questions popped up in my mind as I stared into the clouds through the window.  

This sudden realisation just got me thinking what I would do to make my life more meaningful and worth living. One of the things in my list is to go for a road trip to places I've never been. I don't want to travel in such a very touristy fashion because I know it won't excite me for long. The idea to ride a bike, mingle with the locals, camp out and stargazing is a lot more appealing than just being a tourist. So in order to make this dream come true, yes, I need to plan. It won't happen overnight, it might take years. 

From now on, I'm gonna live this life for myself. I don't live it because someone wants me to. Just keep asking yourself this one question, "What if today is your last day on earth and what would you do about it?"